Help with Statement of Purpose -UCLA Screenwriting Professional Program


Im an older applicant (40+) who needs to keep his day job/business, so my only options are part time programs. I have made some short films in the past which got into festivals etc.
I have decided to apply for UCLA Professional program in screenwriting. Im working on 1 page statement of purpose and was wondering if someone could give a look and feedback on it? Also, if there are any legit proofreading service you guys can recommend? Thanks
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