Please help me!

[jb_2764]

I'm applying for a school, and one of the requirements is this: A dialogue scene between two people. Provide a one-paragraph introduction describing the two characters in screenplay format. (no more than three pages).

First of all, I have never ever written a screenplay, and I don't know screenplay format. Second, writing is not exactly my thing. So I looked up screenplay format, and tried my best. Please please please, can somebody tell me if I formatted it correctly? And can you also tell me how badly it sucks? Thanks!

INT. KATIE'S BEDROOM
The room is dark, except for the light from a television screen and a laptop screen. The television is playing a cartoon, but it's muted. The laptop is sitting on a bed in front of KATIE, a sixteen year old girl in pajamas. The light from the laptop shows that Katie has brunette hair piled in a bun on top of her head, and green eyes. On the computer screen is the face of CALEB, a man in his mid-twenties with black hair and the shadow of a beard. Katie has an exasperated expression, while Caleb looks upset.
KATIE
I really, really have to go now. It's already midnight, and I haven't even looked at my math homework.

CALEB
Please, Katie, don't leave yet. Just five more minutes. I haven't talked to you in days.

KATIE
(looking down at her keyboard)
I know, but”¦

CALEB
I can help with your math! You can read it to me as you do it. I just want to hear your voice.

KATIE
(laughing)
You don't want to listen to algebra, Caleb. Look, I promise I'll talk to you tomorrow as soon as my parents go to bed, but I'm logging off now.

CALEB
(suddenly extremely angry)
You keep doing this to me. You put me off and put me off. You always have something going on, you're too busy, you have too much homework, there's always something.

Katie looks down again, and begins picking at the loose strings on her sock. Caleb's face becomes larger on the screen as he leans in closer to his webcam.

CALEB (CONT'D)
You say you'll have time to talk, but you never do! And when you do talk to me, it's only for, like, an hour! I'm done. I don't know why you bother talking to me at all when you have so many better things to do.

Katie looks back up at the screen, appearing very concerned and guilty.
KATIE
I'm so sorry. Everything has been really busy and crazy lately, especially school. You know I'd always rather be talking to you, it's just not always possible. I swear I'll make more time, but for now, I can only talk for like five more minutes. Is that okay?

CALEB
I can do five minutes.

Katie and Caleb do not speak for about twenty seconds. Katie looks around her dark room uncomfortably, searching for something to say. Caleb doesn't fidget.

CALEB
So, you said you're going on your family vacation soon. Where are you going?

KATIE
We're going to New York first, for a while, then to Boston, I think.

CALEB
(smiling hugely)
Oh my God, this is great! I live in Boston, did I tell you that? We could meet!

Caleb laughs joyously, while Katie laughs, believing that he is kidding.

KATIE
(sarcastically)
Oh, yeah, that's a good idea. ”˜Hey mom and dad, I gotta go for a while, I'm going out to dinner with this random guy I met online'.

CALEB
Seriously, Katie, I want to see you! Give it some real thought. You could explain to your parents that I'm a nice guy, or you could sneak away. Say you have to go to the bathroom or something and just leave.

Katie raises her eyebrows skeptically.

KATIE
That'd be a long bathroom break.

CALEB
Please, I'm begging you. I've been wanting to meet you ever since we started talking, and I know you feel the same way. It's so lonely here; nobody cares about me the way you do. Nobody's voice is as beautiful as yours. I need to see you in person. You can find a way to see me; Boston is a big place.

Katie starts to smile, then bites her lip and smoothes down her hair.

KATIE
Just a second, I really need a drink of water.

Katie gets up, and goes to a dresser that is behind her computer. She picks up a half-empty bottle of water and takes a big drink, while pacing around her room. She pauses, takes a couple deep breaths, and then sits back down on her bed, legs crossed.

CALEB
Better?

KATIE
Yeah, my throat's just a little scratchy.

CALEB
You know, you really should be drinking more water. You're going to get dehydrated.

Katie nods, and begins to pick at the loose strings on her sock again.

CALEB
So, you'll meet with me, right?

KATIE
I'll try, as hard as I can. That's all I can promise.

CALEB
I can't wait to finally hug you for the first time.

KATIE
(looking unsure, but smiling)
We can never keep track of time; it's already been ten minutes, I need to go. Goodnight, Caleb.

CALEB
Sweet dreams, Katie.

Caleb smiles a broad, triumphant smile as Katie closes her computer.

 

[Mike_V]

Right off the bat, the format is wrong.
if you can't afford final draft, I suggest using StoryTouch.
It'll give you the proper formatting to write a screenplay.

and please don't double post your question next time.

 

[roaming_saint]

I used celtx to help me learn some basics of scriptwriting.

You should also try to read up on some books, maybe read a few actual scripts.

I am no expert, but as far as your story goes, I think you need to create more drama. (Personal Opinion)

 

[Screenplay Collaborator]

OK, so the format is off. You can easily fix that by downloading Celtx for free. It's not the best software out there, but it'll do until you get the hang of things. Personally, I think your writing is very good, especially for a novice. You created some nice tension without battering the reader over the head with exposition. I got the feeling that this interplay was really taboo for this girl and your male lead was picking at that. It felt very real to me. You could definitely do more with it by doing less (pare it down a bit), but otherwise it's very good. Nice style. Don't give up.