Critique My Application Material (And Share Yours Too, If Willing)

[cjpsmith]

@cjpsmith Here are some of the thoughts I had while reading your material,

Hey T117, thanks a ton for reading through my stuff. I started taking a look at yours, and I'll post some reactions later on.

I definitely think I could've dug a litter deeper for specifics on how I came to be a writer. I think I got a bit swept up in the format, and should've taken a harder look at the content.

I agree that the elevator gag doesn't work more than once. I feel like I had a suspicion about that after I wrote it; probably needed to follow that instinct. Also a good point that it wasn't necessary to describe exactly how they get from the elevator to the party. I think I felt obligated to do so, but it could have been a cut.

I also felt like the father could have revealed a bit more of himself through dialogue. I wanted him to be very protective, but I think there were other ways we could have seen him defending his inner pain while still letting the audience see through the cracks.

Thanks again for your feedback!

 

[cjpsmith]

Hey everyone,

I'm in the middle of reading and offering my personal critiques to everything you posted earlier and was wondering if you'd be willing to do the same. I believe my material may have just not been serious enough, (or the pieces could be complete crap), but I had fun writing them. So maybe you'll enjoy reading them.

Thanks

Hi @T117, here are some of my thoughts:

Character Sketch: I thought this was really excellent for several reasons. First, you show off your talent at painting a scene. You do a great job of bringing out all of the details, and each of them was significant to the story. Second, I loved how you were able to take a single event and have it tell a broader story about who you are. Finally, I enjoyed the arc of the action. You set-up this one explosive moment almost like assembling a Rube Goldberg machine, and then we get to watch it all happen at once. Also, I liked that you had a happy ending, given all of the miserable circumstances of the opening!

Creative Challenge A: Again, love your evocative descriptions. I thought the pacing worked well; it accelerates nicely, and the insanity of the end is fun once we get there.

I'm not sure if the final reveal landed for me, though. Does Christine particularly care about her impression on Vivian? Vivian has a lot of power as the head of the firm, but Christine seems fairly laser-focused on her husband and has already voiced her poor opinion of the company.

But overall, I liked the zaniness!

Creative Challenge B: Many of my comments from above apply here as well. Again, you do a great job setting the scene and building the action.

I think I would have liked to see more contrast between the two pieces, as they both build towards a slapstick, farcical explosion. I think the apartment scene does it better, partially because I find Charles to be the strongest and most interesting character across both scenes. He has a ton of life and attitude. Vivian and Christine have a similar in-your-face energy, but, since Charles already does it so well, I would have liked to see your capabilities with a more subdued character. (This isn't to say you don't do a good job developing them as independent characters; Vivian, eg, is much more pointed and controlled in comparison to Charles or Christine).

Personally, I think you were right to let your comedy instincts loose on these pieces, but I also would have loved to see how you handle a more serious scene as well.

Thanks for sharing!

 

[sharkb8]

Well I'm not an applicant yet, but I do have a couple of scripts that I would consider submitting to schools once I apply in the fall, and I still have several months to polish/write more scripts. If anyone would be interested in reading these and letting me know what ya think, I'd love any thoughts or suggestions.

And I can also offer script suggestions to anyone who would like my notes. Just let me know.

Edited with Updated Scripts.

 

[Cynthia Atuhaire]

Hi
Please share your cvs and creative portfolios too if you can.